Celebrity News and Paparazzi Photos

Paris Hilton heads off to jail in less than five days, but that hasn’t stopped her from hooking up with new guys and finding work. She was spotted at The Grove shopping center in LA with a new boy toy who refused to give his name when asked for it by the paparazzi. Additionally, she was seen coming home carrying a new script and looking absolutely delighted. This is just disturbingly optimistic. The first time I was sent to jail I wasn’t making new boyfriends and reading scripts. No, I was getting stopped at the border while trying to cross into Mexico.

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Lindsay Lohan’s dad, Michael Lohan, is claiming that Lindsay is being treated for the powerful painkiller OxyContin in addition to her drug and alcohol addiction. He tells E!:

“I spoke to the people treating Lindsay, because I wanted to make sure she was getting the right care. And I’m satisfied they are doing the right thing for her, helping her detox from the painkillers and things. That’s a very important step. And I learned they use the 12-step program which includes a lot of lessons based on God’s teachings, so I was satisfied with that. First she needs to get clean, then she needs to let God into her life.”

Keep in mind this guy was also just released from jail and is estranged from his daughter. The guy who works at Starbucks and saw Lindsay Lohan from across the street one time probably has a closer relationship with her than this guy.

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Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s newest adopted child, 3-year-old Pax Thien Jolie, was officially renamed Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt today in a Los Angeles County Superior Court. Keep in mind this kid’s original name was Pham Quang Sang. So, yeah, it makes sense that now his name is Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt. It’s practically the same word. Only completely different and not the same at all.

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It’s basically assumed for all celebrities, but Jessica Alba says she hates the paparazzi. She tells Parade magazine: “I could give two shits about them. They’re so lame, I can’t even believe that’s a real job. I can’t imagine they even pay taxes.”

How ironic. I usually hate the paparazzi too, except when they’re bringing me paparazzi photos of Jessica Alba. When they’re bringing me paparazzi photos of Jessica Alba I want to lift them on a pedestal and sacrifice small animals to them. And maybe brush their hair as I hand-feed them grapes. You know, regular stuff. Healthy stuff.

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X17online

Lindsay Lohan checking into the Promises rehab facility could cost her hundreds of thousands of dollars in sponsorships for her upcoming 21st birthday party. Svedka vodka has already backed out, and now other prospective partners (including Caesars Palace, the Social House restaurant at Treasure Island, and Pure nightclub) are considering backing out too because of stricter underage drinking rules in Vegas. An insider tells Gatecrasher:

“Rules are much stricter in Vegas than in New York or L.A. because we have casino gaming [licenses]. When Ashlee Simpson did her 21st at Pure, they had to keep her on the red carpet literally until 12:01 a.m. on the day of her birthday.”

Lindsay’s currently in a 30-day rehab program which will discharge her less than a week before her two-day birthday party in Vegas. It’d be like Rosie O’Donnell fasting for a month and then being let loose in a buffet. Or a farm. Or an elementary school. Basically anywhere she can find something to fit into her mouth.

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Paula Abdul was captured having a meltdown during a recent conference call with a group of publicists this week. She says on the tape:

“I’ve never been treated this way and I’ve never seen anybody treated this way. This is just too much to stomach. I’ve been going through tremendous amounts of a difficult time. I do a call-in every week for OK! Magazine on ‘American Idol.’ Because of my brilliant job, they want to do a cover on me. I’m being told by Howard Bragman that I’m too old and no one will ever want to do a cover. I’m being tested. All I’ve ever wanted in my life is to be treated fairly and be treated with kindness. And I’ve never in my entire career been treated this way. The people who are supposed to take care of these things do not. I have to clean up after them everywhere they go. And I’m tired of it. Howard Bragman on Monday - he did some disgusting behavior. I had to go to Jimmy Kimmel with no publicist there. [Abdul appeared on Kimmel’s show on May 15.] I go on with no publicist there and I pay this man … I don’t understand how this man can call me a whining bitch. I’ve never in my life been called a whining bitch and a loser.”

Remember last week when she allegedly broke her nose after tripping over her Chihuahua? Turns out she lied, and she actually cut it when she threw a glass against the wall and it shattered. So, yeah, if you couldn’t already tell from just looking at her, there’s something very wrong with her mind. I give it a week before she can’t even walk straight, and starts stumbling around mumbling incoherently, unable to focus her eyes. And by a week I mean two years ago.

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Celine Dion posed on the cover of Hello magazine with her six-year-old son, Rene Charles. Wait, son? That must be a typo. A horrible confusing typo.

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David Hyde Pierce (the guy who played Niles on Frasier) has officially come out of the closet after an AP story appeared on CNN saying: “Pierce got to Los Angeles in the early 1990s when his partner, actor-writer-producer Brian Hargrove, wanted to write for television.” Pierce’s sexuality has always been an open secret in Hollywood although he’s never formally come out. AfterElton.com contacted a rep for Pierce about the AP story, and they confirmed that Hargrove is indeed Pierce’s life partner.

Well this is just shocking shocking news. If you told me he wrestled bears all day and won a tree chopping competition then, yeah, that makes sense. But gay? No, no, that just doesn’t sound right at all.

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Paris Hilton’s cell mate was hand-picked and it’s an inmate currently doing time for reckless driving. Additionally, the jailers have put together a special protocol for Paris’ stay, detailing how things should be done for her. TMZ reports:

Jailers were looking for someone who they believe will not try to cash in on Hilton’s stay. The woman is already in the cell that Paris will be in … jailers are already conducting searches of anything electronic — they are prohibiting cameras, cellphones and the like … a memo has gone out to the staff, warning them that anyone who takes paparazzi photos of Paris will be disciplined — i.e., fired … a “written protocol” has already been prepared especially for Paris’ stay, detailing “when and how things should be done for her.”

They wrote up a special protocol for me when I was in jail too, but that was basically for the safety of everybody else. When God gives you lethal killing machines for fists, it’s only natural that other people are a little nervous around you. And also that you fight for justice and say things like “Head’s up” as you punch off somebody’s head.

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Yesterday, Britney Spears posted a message to her fans blaming everybody else for her problems and saying she didn’t need to go to rehab because she didn’t have an alcohol problem. But just two nights before on Sunday, she allegedly partied so hard at the Mondrian Hotel’s Sky Bar she had to be carried out of the men’s restroom where she was found vomiting uncontrollably and unable to walk. The Sun reports:

She was overheard telling hotel staff: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Things aren’t going well for me at the moment.” The troubled pop princess, who spent a month in rehab earlier this year, was then carried out of the bar sobbing and covered in sick.

A source adds:

“Britney was found slumped over the toilet bowl with make-up smeared over her face and her wig hanging off. She had a room booked at the hotel but was too ill to stay and was begging her bodyguard to take her home. She looked a real mess and was sitting on the floor with her head over the bowl throwing up. There was vomit down the front of her black dress and around her mouth. Britney was on her knees and must have been sick four or five times. She didn’t really seem with it, but I don’t know if she was drunk or not.” The mother-of-two then had to be helped out of the hotel because she couldn’t stand up by herself.

Notice the hat and ring? That’s a good role model for her kids right there. They’d probably be better off if she just tied them to a donkey and left them in the woods. Hell, they’d receive better parenting from the inside of an oven. That was on. And filled with bees.

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