Celebrity News and Paparazzi Photos

Jessica Simpson was spotted walking around Hollywood dressed like this. And she looks decent enough, but what’s going on with her purse? She looks like she stole it form a kindergarten class. It probably wouldn’t even look that weird except she’s dressed like she’s heading off to a high school prom. Which reminds me, I better bet going. Those girls aren’t going to emotionally scar themselves!

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Stephanie Tanner showed up to the launch of the Pink Taco restaurant in Los Angeles yesterday with some massive new boobs. At least I think they’re new. The last time I saw her she was 8-years-old and asking Bob Saget about puberty, so for all I know she grew these herself. In a doctor’s office that is! Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all night.

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Paris Hilton flew to Hawaii after her Larry King interview and arrived in Maui yesterday wearing a straw hat, sunglasses, and a black wig. I’m assuming this is part of her campaign to reinvent herself as Smart Paris. Except everything she knows she learned from elementary school jokes, so she doesn’t quite realize it takes more than changing your hair color to be taken seriously. She’ll always be Paris Hilton. She could win the Nobel Prize in physics and every time you ran into her on the street you’d still feel the uncontrollable need to pee on her.

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22-year-old pop singer Lily Allen was arrested yesterday after allegedly attacking a photographer outside a London nightclub back in March. She went to a London police station yesterday morning by appointment and was arrested, but then released on bail. A Scotland Yard spokeswoman confirms:

“At 9.30am yesterday, a 21-year-old woman attended a central London police station by appointment. She was arrested in connection with an allegation of assault. She has been bailed to return on a date in late July.”

I’m not that familiar with Lily Allen, but it’s always amusing when a tiny little girl beats up a photographer in his 40’s. I know the paparazzi aren’t that awesome to begin with, but I’m pretty sure this guy is required by law to turn in his testicles. And Lily? Well she’s required by law to get in my bed. Man, that’s an attractive face!

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Kevin Federline is refusing to sign his divorce papers because he’s concerned about Britney Spears’ recent behavior, and wants proof Britney is able to handle joint custody of their children. A source tells People:

“Britney’s attorneys are anxious to see Kevin sign off on a divorce. But Kevin and his lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan are dragging their heels out of concern over reports of Britney’s post-rehab partying. [Federline] wants to make sure that the divorce document makes it simple enough for Kevin to downsize Britney’s access to her kids the next time her behavior troubles him.”

You know you’re in a bad place when Kevin Federline is concerned about your parenting skills. If you went to Britney Spears’ house you’d probably find one of the kids tucked under a table leg to keep it from wobbling.

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I have no idea what Kim Kardashian has ever done in her entire life, but I’m still completely fascinated by her. Her ass is like a medical mystery. They could write entire television shows about it, where a grumpy doctor would spend an hour every week trying to figure out just what the hell is going on with that thing. And at the end of every episode right before he’s about to solve the case they cut to a suspicious looking guy in a trench coat rubbing his handlebar mustache. Then the music goes DUM DUM DUM and it says “To be continued…”

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Britney Spears was set to perform at Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors tour at L.A.’s Greek Theater on Saturday but had to cancel because she would only dance or lip sync and Cyndi wasn’t having any of that. A source tells Page Six:

“There’s no way. Britney said she would only dance or lip-sync - and to be on stage with Cyndi, you have to actually perform. It’s not happening now.”

So Britney Spears will only sing on stage if she doesn’t actually have to sing? I think it’s safe to say this is the greatest performer of our generation. I once saw a magician make the Empire State Building disappear while he sang opera and juggled fireworks, but compared to Britney, that guy might as well have been standing on a stage farting for two hours straight.

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Lindsay Lohan was allegedly drunk and had cocaine in her system during the incident when she crashed her car in Beverly Hills over Memorial Day weekend. According to law enforcement sources, toxicology reports show Lindsay had “nearly twice the legal limit” of alcohol and traces of cocaine in her bloodstream when she crashed her Mercedes.

My God, she was drunk? And she had cocaine in her system? No, no, no, this isn’t right at all. That doesn’t sound like Lindsay Loh– oh wait, Lindsay Lohan. Right. I thought we were talking about that baby in the Pampers commercial.

Pictured: Lindsay leaving rehab to take a hike with some trainers. Check out this guy’s face if you want to feel pretty good about yourself.

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The Spice Girls officially announced today that all five original members will reunite and perform for 11 concerts around the world in December and January. The concerts will be the first time they’ve performed together since breaking up in 2001, and they’re expected to make about $20 million each. Which is nice, because I think most of them were getting sick of eating cat food and sleeping in dumpsters. Besides Posh, have any of them done anything except become old and unemployed? If this thing falls through I just hope Wal-Mart lets them have their jobs back.

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A source who used to work for Brittany Murphy says Brittany is convinced “a high-powered Hollywood player” is stalking her. Back in April, her then-boyfriend Simon Monjack disappeared for 10 days and Brittany claimed he had been kidnapped by agents of her stalker. However, the kidnapping exactly coincides with the dates that Monjack, a British citizen, was reportedly jailed by U.S. immigration for overstaying his visa.

“When he came back, he had head injuries,” says the former insider. “He was pale and sometimes had trouble standing.” Not only that, but the former staffer also claims Murphy said she was unable to pay him because the money had been used for ransom … Monjack, a screenwriter, is not short of enemies. Several anonymous sources have posted unflattering stories on the Internet about his past relationships. On June 13, a man identifying himself as Arturo Globenfeldt posted a message on Monjack’s Imdb.com page claiming he owes him $16 million in film investment money.

So the guy gets kicked out of the country for 10 days and then tells Brittany Murphy he was kidnapped and she believes him. Wow. You could probably get her to believe the moon was made out of cheese if you wanted to. You wouldn’t even have to really try, you could just mention it offhandedly and she’d be like, “Reeeeaaaally?!”

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Originally Syndicated via RSS from The Superficial - Because You're Ugly