Celebrity News and Paparazzi Photos

I don’t know how, but this site seems to have turned into a tribute page to The Hills. Anyway, everybody’s favorite plastic surgery role model Heidi Montag was spotted frolicking on the beach yesterday wearing a pink bikini and carrying around a red life preserver. What an accomplished life. When she’s 60 and looking back on her life she’ll be able to say she inspired a nation of girls to get breast implants and run on the beach. Somebody should get started on her biography now. It’s such a moving story of determination and the human spirit. She makes that Rosa Parks character look like a total douche.

Originally Syndicated via RSS from The Superficial - Because You're Ugly

Heidi Montag showed up at the Us Weekly Hot Hollywood event and proudly displayed the issue in which she basically states that she’d rather die than have small breasts. Amazing. This would be like Britney Spears smiling and holding up the issue of Ok! Magazine that details her coke problem and shoddy parenting skills. Though, to be fair, I hear she does walk around with it and shows it to people. And by people I mean the guy at McDonald’s that makes the fries. He understands her.

Originally Syndicated via RSS from The Superficial - Because You're Ugly

Mariah Carey is extremely serious about her bathroom privacy. She had a few too many drinks at VH1’s Music Cares event and took her bodyguards to the bathroom. Here’s what happened, according to NY Daily News:

Two women already there say her security tried to evict them, but they refused to leave. Says one: “One of the bodyguards said to us, ‘If you’re going to stay, you better not watch Mariah pee.’”

Wait, wait, let’s repeat that one more time. “If you’re going to stay, you better not watch Mariah pee.” Hilarious! There’s no way I can follow a line like that. I’m packing this one in. Bam, sealed, run it. That bodyguard should do stand up. He would kill. Who wants to see Mariah Carey pee? No, actually, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know how many of you are out there. I like to think I’m unique.

Originally Syndicated via RSS from The Superficial - Because You're Ugly

Wow, Audrina Partridge is ambitious. First she’s filler, now she’s moved up to flashing her panties to the paparazzi. This is almost making me consider spelling her last name right. Almost. I’m going to wait this one out though. She should stop being famous in about ten minutes, and then I can go back to calling her “That girl from that show who’s not blonde.”

Originally Syndicated via RSS from The Superficial - Because You're Ugly

I’m not sure why Audrina Partridge is famous. People tell me she’s on The Hills so I assume she must be really good at talking on her cell phone. Well, today she gets to be filler. It’s a real honor, I know. Bask in it, Audrina. Oh, I almost forgot a trademark witty comment to make this experience complete. Here we go, so, hey, your last name is Partridge. Did you enjoy riding on the bus with David Cassidy? Ha, get it? Audrina Partridge. Partridge Family. They rode that bus. No? Nothing? Damn. Sorry, Audrina. Could you maybe acquire a drug problem or neglect your kids? You know, something hilarious.

EDIT: Turns out her last name is actually Patridge, not Partridge. Wow, she’s even more useless than I thought. I’m leaving her name misspelled in the post though, because, well, she’s Audrina Partridge. I could’ve spelled it “Pancake” for all anybody cares.

Originally Syndicated via RSS from The Superficial - Because You're Ugly

I almost let this one slip by. Almost. But it is The Daily Mail and they wouldn’t run it if it wasn’t true right? Tom Cruise fears that galactic ruler Xenu is planning a revenge attack against Earth, so he’s building a bunker to keep him and his family safe. The Daily Mail reports:

“Tom is planning to build a US$10 million bunker under his Telluride estate.”
“It’s a self-contained underground shelter with a high tech air purifying shelter.”
The facility is said to have enough room for ten people - including wife Katie Holmes, 17-month-old daughter Suri and his adopted children Isabella, 14, and Connor, 12.

I want to believe aliens are the reason Tom built a bunker, but it’s time to face reality: the bunker is for Katie Holmes. He probably feels bad about locking her in the closet so he’s upgrading her living conditions. But, hey, protecting her from Klaatu or whoever? Space aliens? That’s a good reason too.

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Wes Anderson’s short film Hotel Chevalier was released on iTunes earlier this week for free, but since iTunes doesn’t work for everybody, now Google Video has the entire thing up also. The short stars Jason Schwartzman and Natalie Portman or, more specifically, Natalie Portman’s naked butt. So yeah, if that’s something you might be interested in you can watch the whole thing above. I’m not sure what other reason you’d possibly have for watching this thing. Maybe you don’t see enough people brushing their teeth or talking really slowly in your regular life.

Slightly NSFW because of, well, the whole naked butt thing.

Originally Syndicated via RSS from The Superficial - Because You're Ugly

Joey Fatone is reaching out to Britney Spears - in the creepiest way possible. While appearing on Extra, he had the following to say:

“I think she just needs some time, some time to really heal.”
He’s now inviting her to take refuge far away from Hollywood at his home in Orlando.
“Britney call me, come over to my house, come to Orlando, get way from it all,” he pleaded. “It’s a good thing to get out of L.A.”
Fatone admitted he hasn’t seen Britney in a while but added, “If you’re there, let me know. I’m here for you sweetheart.”

Listen, Joey, I understand that you were the fat guy in N’Sync and Justin Timberlake got all the tail. Including Britney’s when it was fashionable to do so. Now, not so much. Anyway, I have to admit, your plan, while desperate, is pretty clever. If you do get Britney to your house, there is a 110% chance she’ll get naked. I also hear she’s drinking a lot, so that’s good and will help her get over the whole fat thing. Whether that entails you being fat or Britney being self-conscious about her own weight is between you two and the Burger King drive-thru she’ll make you go through at least twice in one hour. Don’t forget to stop at Dairy Queen on the way back. Britney needs a Blizzard to get in the mood - ooh, and a milkshake!

Update: Apparently Joey Fatone is married and has kids. I had no idea people still do the whole mail-order bride thing. You learn something new everyday.

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Not much going on today, so here’s Natalie Portman out in New York being shy. I can’t even remember the last time she was on the site. I think it was back in the 1920’s. The site was black and white, and everytime a post went up there’d be a little kid on the corner with a funny hat yelling, “Extra! Extra! Read all about it!”

Originally Syndicated via RSS from The Superficial - Because You're Ugly

Heidi Montag confirmed that she had breast augmentation and rhinoplasty surgery in April. For those of you keeping score at home, Heidi got implants and a nose job. The reality star gave an exclusive interview to Us Magazine about the experience:

On why she had surgery:
“I’ve always been very insecure about my body. My whole life, I looked at my chest and was like, OK, they’re going to grow. This is my year! And it never happened. I was less than an A-cup. I wore pushup bras, which cut into my skin. If I was with a guy and there was a girl next to me with big boobs, I would be like, Oh, my God, he’s looking at her!”

On being teased about her appearance:
People would say, “You have such a big nose!” And they’d make fun of me for being so flat, and say mean boy things, like, “If you nailed two nails in a board, they would be bigger than you are.” I was tormented. And when I was older, I’d want to be intimate, but I’d feel insecure. My boyfriends always had bigger chests than I did!”

On going under the knife:
“But surgery is a very big deal. Right before I went in, I was like, What if I don’t wake up? Oh, this is scary. Then I thought, I don’t care. If I don’t wake up, it’s worth it. I just wanted it so badly.”

Okay, no one ever told me The Hills taught people moral lessons. I’ll still never watch it, but it’s good to know positive messages are being sent to young girls. Either have great breasts or get elective surgery that you might not wake up from. I’m practically crying that such a pure, wholesome example is being set. Bless you, Heidi Montag. Bless your large fake breasts and skewed world view.

Note: If you completely missed the sarcasm above, it’s time to lay off the reefer and think about getting a job. No rush though. Make sure you click on a few ads first. You know what; on second thought forget what I said. Light up and enjoy some fine gossip. You earned it.

Originally Syndicated via RSS from The Superficial - Because You're Ugly