The people’s plus-sized champion Kim Kardashian gets invited to all kinds of high-class events. Like the premiere of the straight-to-video comedy National Lampoon’s One, Two, Many which surprisingly wasn’t in some guy’s basement. But I don’t want to take this special moment away from Kim. It’s the first time in forever a National Lampoon flick hasn’t starred her old friend turned arch-nemesis Paris Hilton. Now Kim is free to bask in her own undeserved fame without fear of herp-tribution.

NOTE: The blonde in these pics is Aubrey O’Day of Danity Kane who apparently moonlights as Kim’s butt plankton. Neat.

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I’m sorry Kim Kardashian lovers/Weight Watchers enthusiasts but this is how you show up for a premiere: By looking SH-BANGIN’! This is Mila Kunis at the premiere of her new movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall and I gotta admit I never was much of a fan during her time on That 70’s show. I was all about the Laura Prepon Amazonian goodness. Maybe it’s because Mila’s character dated Ashton Kutcher and therefore, by association, I wanted her to get hit in the face with a large jungle cat. But now? Get that cheetah out of the slingshot; Daddy likes.

NOTE: Included pics of Mila with Kristen Bell because I’m practically Mother Teresa over here. I get confused for her a lot and especially at the nudie bar. People are always, “Oh, hey, yo, are you that Mother Teresa lady?” And I’m all, “Ha ha, no, good citizen.” Then they punch me in the face and tell me to stop smuggling free wings in my shirt. Ah, like peas in a pod, the two of us.

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Kathy Griffin and Adnan Ghalib were spotted together yesterday shopping at Victoria’s Secret. This is so obviously the doings of Ashton Kutcher. How can I tell? Oh, I dunno, maybe because IT’S KATHY GRIFFIN! Jesus, who would believe this? If Ashton really wanted to sell this relationship, he should’ve gone with something more believable than lingerie shopping. Like Adnan pushing Kathy into traffic while screaming “Run, penis, run! Save yourself!” Now that’s realism.

Thanks to Gilles who’s mercilessly awesome enough to never have a douche-beard.

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Holy freaking crap, it’s the reclusive “because her parents want to hide their shame in the backwoods of Louisiana but the paps still find her anyway” Jamie Lynn Spears! Sometimes I doubt my journalistic integrity, but when I post pics like this, I know I’m at the top of my game. Take notes, CNN, MSNBC, and, yeah, okay, FOX News when you’re done tonguing some W anus. I just journalized you all in the face! WHA-POW!

NOTE: What does it say about me as a person that I think Jamie Lynn’s pregnant body is way hotter than Britney’s non-pregnant gelatinous form? Besides that I’m probably going to jail.

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Neil Patrick “The Doogs” Harris doesn’t want to see another Britney Spears cameo on his show How I Met Your Mother. Even though she scored the show its highest ratings ever with a bump of over 1 million viewers. But Doogie doesn’t see what’s so great about people actually watching the show and keeping it on the air. Who needs that? The AP reports:

“I worry that if they start `Will and Grace’-ing us too much, that the show will suffer. And we’re all really proud of the content of the show. I mean, viewership is not our game. It’s the network and the studio’s game, you know. It’s the promotion department’s game,” the actor, who plays womanizer Barney, told The Associated Press.
“We wish we weren’t opposite an awkward reality dancing competition,” he said. “But we have no say about that. I just am a real fan of our content. I think we have a great show going, and I hope it’s not screwed up by the desire for 700,000 more viewers.”

Translation: Neil Patrick Harris is an idiot and probably shouldn’t talk. Damn, I thought you were a boy genius, Doogs! I even let you give me a physical. Which reminds me, were those leopard briefs you made me wear really a medical necessity? I mean, I understood you had to cover me in chocolate sauce to make sure I didn’t have polio. I know how science works

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Roseanne Barr stopped by The Late Late Show to chat with Craig Ferguson. She brought up her single status and (Brace yourself) vaginal rejuvenation surgery. She now claims to have a “va-junior.” Ha ha *HORF* Fortunately, no one was hurt because, as usual, only five people watched Craig Ferguson and six of them were drunk. But I felt like sharing the footage with you because, well, I really love you guys. I don’t say it enough lately, so hopefully this let’s you know how I truly feel. Without further ado I present for your viewing pleasure: Roseanne Barr talking about her noonerhole. Enjoy.

Thanks to Kelly who is never allowed on my couch while watching Roseanne.

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Vanilla Ice (Real name: Robert Van Winkle) was arrested last night at his home after he got into an argument with his wife and allegedly shoved her, according to TMZ:

Vanilla Ice is still in custody at Palm Beach County Jail. Palm Beach County Sheriff’s tell TMZ that in most cases, people arrested for domestic violence are usually held over to see a judge. Looks like Mr. Van Winkle will spend a night in the pokey.

I dunno, does that look like the face of a spousal abuser to you? I mean, if you ignore the eyes, ear, mouth, hair, beard and the fact that it’s Vanilla Ice.

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Katie “Jordan” Price made a promotional stop at Harrod’s for her newest children’s book “Mermaids and Pirates: Follow the Fish.” That’s right: Katie Price wrote a children’s book. The main characters of the book are Katie the Mermaid and Peter the Pirate - as in Peter Andre her husband. And she made him a pirate. Wow. Anyway, Katie keeps churning out novels like Stephen King if he were a stripper. I’m really curious who her publisher is because this guy is either legally retarded or an old pervert that’s mental for boobies. (No, it’s not me.) I’m talking a love so deep he doesn’t care about scarring children for life and therefore deserves the Nobel Prize. No, wait, make that two Nobel Prizes. And a Pulitzer. Yeah, one of those.

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Erin Moran is currently on the latest edition of VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp and, in the outtake reel above, she pretends to have an orgasm on a bus much to the dismay of everyone on board and, also, my freaking eyes. In the meantime, you might recognize Erin from her days as Richie Cunningham’s little sister Joanie on Happy Days and the spin-off Joanie Loves Chachie a.k.a. the show that got Scott Baio more ass than Wilt Chamberlain with a suitcase full of Spanish Fly and ironing boards.

Thanks to Rick who’s so awesome he’d make Dustin Diamond a sandwich - out of grenades.

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Auditions were held in New York City for Paris Hilton’s new MTV reality show where contestants will compete to be the Wonk’s new best friend. Turns out not many people give a shit. Believe me when I say words cannot express the levels of shock I’m experiencing right now. OK! Magazine reports:

But the scene outside Nikki Midtown earlier this week didn’t exactly resemble the thousands of hopefuls you’d see lined up for a shot of American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance. Actually, it didn’t even resemble a half-price latte sale at your local Starbucks.
“There were less than 40 people there,” one audition insider tells OK!.

Half-price lattes?!? Shit, finally, something interesting. What with the milk and the espresso. Wow, way more exciting than whatever it is I was just talking about. What was it again? Oh, right, good ole who’s-her-face: HerpFoot NoFriend. That might not be right, but what’re ya gonna do? Half-price lattes! Whoopee!

Originally Syndicated via RSS from The Superficial - Because You're Ugly